Oh, grow up.

The signs are everywhere. I see them in the mirror, I see them in my personality, I see them in my actions, my words, and my thoughts. I am getting older, there is no denying that, but why don’t I "feel" older? I figured by now, as a somewhat worldly man in my 30s, that I should at least start feeling more mature. I'm not even sure what being mature means really. My "vision" of what defines maturity is spotty at best. Should I smoke a pipe and talk about politics while attending some theatre play or art exhibit opening? I haven't the foggiest.
This isn’t to say that I am immature and can't take care of my life in a responsible manner, I do. I am a devoted husband and father of (soon to be) three children. I take care of my two dogs. I ensure my house is clean and well maintained. I work hard and have enjoyed success in my career. I pay my bills on time and am friendly with my neighbors. Even though all of these "attributes" seem to qualify me as a responsible adult, I still feel like I did when I was a kid when it comes to things I should care about; or at least the things I’m told to care about.
Some would say that perhaps that means I am young at heart. What I see instead is only a semi-adult, an apprentice of adulthood, a learner of life lessons. I have found myself speaking with men, not much older than myself, and feel as though I am less an adult than they are. That their maturity levels surpass me by such a large margin that what I am thinking must be true, that I have not fully "arrived" at adulthood. I still laugh at farts for crying out loud! How can I be a mature full-fledged adult when I still laugh at a fart?
Now, granted, some of the feelings I had when I was 17 have worked themselves out and I am slightly less moronic than I was then. I was never really the kid who cared much about what you thought. Whether it was about me, the way I dressed or the friends I kept. However, now as an adult, I REALLY don't care what anyone thinks outside of say, my wife, but I am at least respectful of our differences now. Additionally, I am not as unsure about my life or who I am now as I was back then. I have a clearer picture of all that. I didn’t have much of what you would consider a “life plan” back then and now, I can plan and pursue while still maintaining some flexibility to account for change.
See, that is exactly what I am talking about.
My attitude towards planning a life and still maintaining flexibility is very mature, especially since it is coming from a guy who is counting down the days until Modern Warfare 2 is released. Yes, I purchased the Prestige Edition, and yes, I am very excited to try out the night vision goggles that come with it.
Trying to determine whether or not I am a real adult reminds me of what a friend of mine once said about his father. He referred to his dad as having "Peter Pan Syndrome". I asked him what that meant, and he said, "My father never grew up". There are plenty of people out there like that. All of them looking to get by on the minimum, get something for nothing and wonder across the face of the Earth like zombies in search of hand outs instead of "brainsssssss". I don't feel as though I belong in that category, but I am trapped somewhere in between responsible and ridiculous.
I see recent pictures of people that I went to high school with or knew as a child and, for the most part, they all look like adults. They talk about their families or careers and have opinions on health care reform or the current status of global economics. Perhaps I am ridiculous because I don't care to engage in conversations about these types of things. I suppose that is what I mean by feeling like a kid. The opinions on topics which are the drive for so many water cooler conversations don't interest me that much. Its not that I am not concerned with health care reform or global economics, I am, and so is my Roth IRA, but I am just not as concerned as what people are saying about them. For example, I think I would rather turn on my Playstation than sit through a town hall meeting regarding the town landfill. It just doesn’t interest me like I think that maybe it should.
In closing, I may not have taken a big ol’ sip of the maturity laced Kool-Aid, but I am doing alright anyway. I take care of what needs to be taken care of, I consider and reconsider options and act accordingly and more importantly I am trying to raise responsible and sensible future adults. I do all of this while still occasionally getting in some video game time or having burping contests with my three-year-old.
Since I have been writing this article, I think I may have gotten a little more mature. I think I may now hold an opinion on landfills; they smell like a fart.
Until next time, enjoy the pure random.